An Exterminator and Two Missionaries

 A long-time friend recently shared this story with me.
 
When an old-time exterminator came to my apartment for the monthly pest control service, two Mormon missionaries were already inside.  The exterminator said to the missionaries; "You know our work is somewhat similar?"  The young men replied; " What?  How is that possible?"  The old-timer said; "Well,  when you enter a home, you might say: "Let us pray," whereas,  I say,  "Let us spray... "

Clay Pigeon the Aviator

Charles Pigeon and his wife Sally wanted a child, but Sally couldn't get pregnant, so they adopted a little boy whom they named Clayton.   Clayton was an average child in most respects and got on well with everybody. His classmates from grade school on called him Clay.  His special interest was movies about airplanes.  That special interest developed into a passion for flying.  

As the years passed, Clay had already given up on his dream of learning to pilot a plane until one day a friend of his put a bug in his ear, telling Clay he should try to work as a crop duster because they always needed crop dusters.  Well, to cut a long story short,  over the next few years Clay spent a good deal of time flying a single engine aircraft over corn and wheat fields, and even though he was happy that he was flying, he got very bored by the  "same old, same old" cruising over those crop fields. Well, one day he  just got enough of it.  Noticing from the gas gauge that he had enough fuel to cruise around for another twenty minutes, he changed course to fly over a wooded area.

Those  particular woods happened to be the stomping grounds of quail hunters, and just as Clay had gotten about ten knots over the trees, there was the sound of gunfire--one of the hunters, Melvyn Dogood, missed his targeted quail and ended up hitting Clay Pigeon's plane.   The local paper reported the accident as "Crop Duster, Clay Pigeon Shot Down by Hunter Missing  Quail."  Dogood was devastated about almost having caused Clay's demise, but felt incredibly relieved when he learned that after recovering from intensive care, Pigeon bought a used single-engine Cessna with his insurance settlement money.  As time passed, the story was told again and again at Barney' Tavern about a quail hunter who had bad luck,  missing his bird and ending up with even worse luck when he shot down Clay Pigeon's crop-duster plane.

 

How a Tele-marketer Made my Day

A small surprise can make for a big change. This afternoon I was straightening things on my computer, when the phone rang. I did not recognize the number and hesitated to answer, but when I picked up the phone, I was shocked and confused. I could not believe what I was hearing. After confirming that he was talking to Howard Roth, a young man asked me if I would be willing to listen to a presentation about a "walking bathtub."

I told him that I really do not appreciate cold calls from people I do not know, but this time I appreciated his call because it was the funniest thing I have ever heard from a tele-marketer.

I further told him that if he recorded what he was saying he too might laugh at the unintentional humor. Yes, our present bathtub has four legs. But I could not in my wildest dreams imagine that a bathtub's legs would ever carry it from place to place.

At that point, serious as the caller was at the beginning of the call, I could now hear him trying to suppress laughter.

At the end of the conversation I told him I appreciated his call. It changed my otherwise drab day into cheer and laughter. And just to let him know I thought well of him, I told him that I respect anyone who in these difficult times is doing any kind of work to make a living.

--It was only after the call that I realized the man was not pitching a "walking bathtub" but rather a "walk-in bathtub..."

Wall Street and M.C. Escher

Is Wall Street an element of an M.C. Escher painting, or is the painting a tableau of Wall Street?

Which painting? Take your pick:

http://www.worldofescher.com/gallery/A23L.html

http://www.artistsuk.co.uk/acatalog/Escher_Relativity_Mousemat.jpg


Not that funny? Read my last post...

How Well Can Dogs See?

Q. Can dogs see colors?

A. Only yellow blue and gray, but they cannot tell the difference between red, yellow and green.

Q. What can we conclude from that?

A. You better think twice before you teach a dog how to drive.

Q. What else can you conclude?

A. A dog will never bark at you if you run a red light.

Q. Do dogs have any edge visually?

A. They have better peripheral vision.

Q. Is it because their eyes are set sideways?

A. It depends on the breed, some more so than others.

Q. How does a dog's peripheral acuity compare to that of a chicken?

A. When it comes to peripheral perception, a chicken will leave any dog in the dust........

Why Christine O'Donnell Lost the Election in Delaware

Had an epiphany when I woke up yesterday morning:


Q. Who was the most instrumental in defeating Christine O'Donnell?

A. It was the masturbators of Delaware.

Q. How do you figure that?

A. When they found out that she condemned masturbation,
they all took time out to go to the polls to vote against her.

A Silver Lining on the Cloud of Outsourcing

Everybody is disconsolate over the dire straits of our economy. For more and more people it is next to impossible to pay the bills, to keep or to get a job, or to stay in their homes as the banks foreclose. An ever greater number of people are beginning to realize that the sunshine of better economic times is obscured by a sky covered with dark clouds. However, I do believe, now as much as ever, that you will find silver linings on the clouds if you look at them long enough.

One consolation coming from the outsourcing of our manufacturing is that now all cups, saucers and other dishes are real china because they are actually made in China.