How a Tele-marketer Made my Day

A small surprise can make for a big change. This afternoon I was straightening things on my computer, when the phone rang. I did not recognize the number and hesitated to answer, but when I picked up the phone, I was shocked and confused. I could not believe what I was hearing. After confirming that he was talking to Howard Roth, a young man asked me if I would be willing to listen to a presentation about a "walking bathtub."

I told him that I really do not appreciate cold calls from people I do not know, but this time I appreciated his call because it was the funniest thing I have ever heard from a tele-marketer.

I further told him that if he recorded what he was saying he too might laugh at the unintentional humor. Yes, our present bathtub has four legs. But I could not in my wildest dreams imagine that a bathtub's legs would ever carry it from place to place.

At that point, serious as the caller was at the beginning of the call, I could now hear him trying to suppress laughter.

At the end of the conversation I told him I appreciated his call. It changed my otherwise drab day into cheer and laughter. And just to let him know I thought well of him, I told him that I respect anyone who in these difficult times is doing any kind of work to make a living.

--It was only after the call that I realized the man was not pitching a "walking bathtub" but rather a "walk-in bathtub..."

Wall Street and M.C. Escher

Is Wall Street an element of an M.C. Escher painting, or is the painting a tableau of Wall Street?

Which painting? Take your pick:

http://www.worldofescher.com/gallery/A23L.html

http://www.artistsuk.co.uk/acatalog/Escher_Relativity_Mousemat.jpg


Not that funny? Read my last post...

How Well Can Dogs See?

Q. Can dogs see colors?

A. Only yellow blue and gray, but they cannot tell the difference between red, yellow and green.

Q. What can we conclude from that?

A. You better think twice before you teach a dog how to drive.

Q. What else can you conclude?

A. A dog will never bark at you if you run a red light.

Q. Do dogs have any edge visually?

A. They have better peripheral vision.

Q. Is it because their eyes are set sideways?

A. It depends on the breed, some more so than others.

Q. How does a dog's peripheral acuity compare to that of a chicken?

A. When it comes to peripheral perception, a chicken will leave any dog in the dust........

Why Christine O'Donnell Lost the Election in Delaware

Had an epiphany when I woke up yesterday morning:


Q. Who was the most instrumental in defeating Christine O'Donnell?

A. It was the masturbators of Delaware.

Q. How do you figure that?

A. When they found out that she condemned masturbation,
they all took time out to go to the polls to vote against her.

A Silver Lining on the Cloud of Outsourcing

Everybody is disconsolate over the dire straits of our economy. For more and more people it is next to impossible to pay the bills, to keep or to get a job, or to stay in their homes as the banks foreclose. An ever greater number of people are beginning to realize that the sunshine of better economic times is obscured by a sky covered with dark clouds. However, I do believe, now as much as ever, that you will find silver linings on the clouds if you look at them long enough.

One consolation coming from the outsourcing of our manufacturing is that now all cups, saucers and other dishes are real china because they are actually made in China.

Cashing in on Russian Roulette

A Wall Street bond trader woke up from a strange dream. In her dream, she had placed an ad online that said, "Let your wishes come true, come to the offices of TrueOp and find out how to make $50,000 a click. A good way to make the cash that will pay off your credit cards and give you the chance to support your loved ones in the way they deserve."

When the first candidate showed up, he was handed a gun and told to play Russian roulette, to spin the drum of the revolver. He was told that each click of the trigger would put fifty thousand dollars into his pocket, and he would know within a fraction of a second whether or not he had won.

"But what if the hammer hits the chamber with the bullet?" he asked. He was assured that this would never be a problem, because he could not lose. In the "unlikely" event that he lost, he would never know about it. And -- his survivors would receive a nice bonus after modest funeral expenses were deducted.

When the bond trader woke up, she was puzzled. The dream did not make sense -- who would say yes to such a primitive proposal? And what is more, how would the event's organizers get paid?

When she arrived at the office, she shared her dream with a trusted colleague. Her colleague, a champion trader, became quite excited. He told her that she had stumbled on a gold mine.

After a bit of brainstorming they came up with a way to cash in: They would enlist candidates in daredevil contests in which a big cash prize would be awarded after each successively more dangerous task. The challenges would become so dangerous that the contestants' odds for survival became negligible. Whenever a contender bit the dust, the traders got their bonuses.

How were the contests organized? If, for example, a daredevil were to sky-dive repeatedly into mountainous, rocky terrain , he would first be asked to sign a release in which he would acknowledge his awareness of the danger. Once the fearless challenger met his demise, he would be remembered for his outstanding courage.

As for the traders, they would earn regal revenue from multiple insurance policies written on the life of each contestant.

The Businessdog

H. Should a dog who does his business on your lawn be recognized as a businessdog?

D. Yes, but as his business is not really welcomed I wonder if it is a serious proposal for a commercial transaction.

H. Don't you think it was not the dog but his master who initiated the bid for a reciprocal exchange?

D. Yes, so it might be proper to turn to the dog's master as the director of the dogs business activity for whatever steps to take next.

H. How would you go about it?

D. As the initial proposal was dropped on the lawn without the dog's or owner's contact information, some investigative work may be appropriate. You find out the dog's and owner's name and address and you take the next step.

H. Which is?

D. You take the product the dog left on the lawn, you gift wrap it , and drop it off at the owner's front door with the following note: "Your dog Chucky left the contents of this parcel on a lawn on our block. I take this as an invitation to begin a business relationship. The next time Chucky does his business on our lawn please leave a note suggesting how we should develop our relationship."